Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Adoptive moms meet non-adopted orphans

Last Tuesday night the director the Harbor, Melinda, brought 2 women, Lisa and Carla, from Minnesota to talk with 4 Harbor graduates. Among the Harbor graduates was our very own Yuri and 3 other girls -- Ira, Natasha, and Nastya. Lisa and Carla each had adopted a child from Russia and raised them along with their own biological children. The adopted children have very rebellious attitudes and are displaying violent behaviors that are often found in Russian adoptives. Lisa and Carla had asked to meet with the Harbor graduates to ask a few questions about their growing up in the orphanages in the hopes understanding why their children are acting this way. The women also lead a support group for other adoptive families in MN who are experiencing negative outcomes from the adoptions, most from Russia. 

Seeing that I helped translate some things, I participated in the discussion to a small extent. What was nice was that Lisa and Carla had a list of questions with them so they would go around the circle asking questions. Some questions were: What was your daily routine at the orphanage? Did you feel loved? How did they (in the orphanage) think of you? What were yours dreams when you lived in the orphanage? (Yuri reported that his dream was to watch TV all night long.) 

The atmosphere was very open, and the graduates talked freely. One of the graduates (Nastya) told us that she had always been the girl to be put in contests the one who the director "liked". Why? She was the sugar daddy. The girl who gave the orphanage a good face. The girl who they show of but never let her get adopted. No these people (the orphanages people) don't really care for the kids. They just see them as the way to get money. Now maybe some do , but as a whole they don't. And the kids know this.The caretakers were mean and gave no freedom and told the kids in their face "You are a failure. You won't be anything." Those people were wrong! These kids are amazing, smart and are making a way in the world.  They are far from failures. Some kids believed them. Nastya told us that see knew that the caretakers were wrong and she would lead her room to punish the caretaker when ever the caretakers would do some thing mean.Such as pouring clothes detergent in the hall way.When the caretaker came he or she would get dumped with water so that he or she would slip in the hallway.they could not punish the kid cause they didn't know who did it.  Now this was no "naughty kids at the orphanage " this was for a reason and they knew it. They told us that they were cold at night and were always hungry. One girl said she was told that the cook was stealing food. She didn't believe them till she was 15 when she worked in the kitchen and saw it with her own eyes. They said that the kids would make fun of the cook when they saw him leave with big bag of food(the cook was fat). One the girl said that the director and the caretaker would say "Your mom is is a bad woman!" At 15 she was told that her mom was long dead.  The kids who did get adopted would spit in their face and say "I don't care. Hearing things that I all ready knew from the mouths of the kids them selfs was painful. You can understand why these kids (the adopted ones)would be violent.Probably cause their angry. I know I would be. I would angry, suspicious, and hurt. Pleases pray for Lisa and Carla and their kids and also for the orphans (in the orphanages and out) 


Anonymous said...

My experience is limited in exposure to adopted children...but I do hear that anger and behavioral issues are a concern for all the reasons that were mentioned...I've found that Theophostic prayer ministry gets at the lies that are believed (I'm not wanted, I'm afraid-no one to protect me, I'm worthless, etc)that trigger the anger and bad behavior. Only God can answer those questions to their satisfaction and TPM is one way of getting there...

angelyontoast said...

That's very interesting, Lydia. I remember reading something similar about the behavior issues from either your dad's blog or newsletter.

I find it especially interesting because after I graduate I plan on beginning the process of adoption, and one of the countries I was considering was Russia because single moms may adopt.

However, I don't know that the behavioral difficulties I would face would be the same as the ones you mention because I plan on adopting a child with special needs.

I have two friends who were adopted from Russia (sisters), and growing up they had great behavior. They were homeschooled until high school then they came to public school. They moved away, and I recently re-connected with them through facebook to discover that they are not the girls I once knew. However, I guess I can't say it is because they were adopted from Russia.

Lydia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

Angela! You are going to adopt? wow! I have to warn you, russia is VERY hard to adopt from! You may have to come here! :) please do! :D
I'm not saying that ALL kids have behavior problems, it is common. I'm sure with pray God can work wonders :)
PS my email is